Dear Agony
by SuperNova
Summary: In the aftermath of Yu Dao, Katara reflects on her life and makes a shocking decision that breaks Aang's heart. Follows the beginning of 'The search' and quickly diverts.
1. I have nothing left to give

Again Katara couldn't sleep. Even though her bed was mostly comfortable. Even though her beloved Aang was nearby.  
Perhaps it was the fact that they nearly faced another war a few days ago, when Zuko's army faced off with Kuei's  
right in front of Yu Dao. The Earth king had seen the plight of the colony, and had backed down, giving her and  
Aang time to consider another solution.

Or perhaps her restlessness was attributed to the proximity of Aang's 'fangirls'. Or the Air acolytes, as Aang  
proclaimed them yesterday. Since coming to terms with the clubs, he had spending time teaching them the ways of the  
nomad, starting with the Ba Sing Sei chapter. Which meant sitting to the side while a dozen girls ate up her  
boyfriends attention.

Katara sighed, shifting to her side for a more comfortable position. It seemed vile, to judge the young girls who  
were basically restoring Aang's culture. Something that was lost for decades, and to close to his heart. And all  
she could do was get jealous. "What's wrong with me?"

She couldn't imagine being in Aang's position, waking up a century from now and discovering that the water tribes  
were a thing of the past. The poles deserted, the wondrously made ice structures falling into ruin and relics  
scattered about carelessly. No one in the Earth Kingdom would know how to properly stew a sea prune. No one in the  
Fire Nation would know how to carve weapons from whale tooth, or make clothing from tiger seal hide. No one  
anywhere would remember the proverbs, fables and legends passed from one generation to another.

It was one thing that astounded her when she first met Aang. How well he took things in stride, how he set aside  
his loss to find the good surrounding him. How he became a hero. Even though he hated the thought of being the  
avatar, when he learned of the war and how much he was needed, it took very little prodding to convince him to  
help.

She was proud of him. Even through the childish mannerisms and desire to play all day, he still stepped up when it  
was time to serious. He fought bravely at her side, facing down countless enemies for the sake of righting wrongs.  
And he learned even more while on his journey to stop Ozai, and afterwards. He was a shining light for the world,  
and she was thrilled to be at his side.

So why couldn't she sleep at night?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The barely muted giggles of the fangirls woke Katara the next morning, and she grumbled irritably. "Of course.  
First thing in the morning." She let out a breath, pushing away her jealousy and preparing herself for the day. She  
plastered a pleasant smile as she walked out the room, spying Aang teaching an acolyte how to play a flute.

"Hey, Katara? You slept late!" The cheery airbender flashed her grin as he noticed her, and give her a quick hug.  
"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes." Katara lied through her teeth, but Aang didn't seem to notice. "How long were you up?"

"Hours." Aang stated, gesturing through a window. "I helped them plant a garden in the plant. Did you know they had  
seeds native to the temples?"

"How lovely." Katara looked behind Aang, seeing the gaggle of girls whispering to themselves while pointing to her.  
Were they conspiring? "So, how much longer will this lessons take?"

"Weeks, maybe months." Aang held her hand while turning his gaze to the acolytes. "I'm teaching them an entire  
culture. That's a lot to learn, you know."

Katara twitched, thankful that Aang didn't see it. "...Lovely."

"Avatar Aang!" Won-Yee, one of the newly dubbed acolytes, ran toward them excitedly. "We just got a message from  
our Yu Duo chapter. It's addressed to you!" She held out a scroll for airbender.

Aang accepted gratefully, unrolling it with a satisfied grin. "It's from Mayor Morishita! He wants to have some  
meetings with us while Kuei is touring the other colonies."

"Oh, so we have to leave?" Katara tried to keep the excitement from her voice, knowing Aang wouldn't be.  
Indeed, the monk nodded with a quiet sigh. "Yeah. Sorry, Won-Yee, lessons will have to wait, again."

Won-Yee beamed, giving Aang a comforting pat on the back. "Don't worry, we're patient. Do you need help packing?"

Aang shook his head. "No, I'll take are of it. Sweetie, I'll take care of yours, too. You should relax before we  
leave." He planted a kiss on her cheek before going to fetch thier belongings.

Katara smiled as she watched him, enjoying the peaceful moment before she noticed the smug expression on Won-Yee's  
face. Remembering that this was the same girl to claimed Katara was the 'first' girlfriend, and implying that there  
would a second, the waterbenders smile quickly vanished. "...Can I help you?"

Won-Yee was quiet for a moment. "Just watching history as it passes by."

Katara's face turned red, huffing at Won-Yee. "Are you implying something?"

"I noticed you're wearing the same dress as yesterday. As the last four days."

Katara gaped. "My clothes? You're nitpicking my clothes? What an inane thing to say. Aang and I travel a lot, extra  
clothes would just get in the way-"

"So you settle for a single dress. The same day after day. Never changing."

Katara stared down the little girl. "You're wearing the same dress."

Won-Yee smirked. "This is a uniform, worn during alocyte duties. In my free time I wear different clothes. To  
stimulate the eyes. Aang's noticed my dresses."

Katara's face burned even harder. "So you have pretty dresses. Congratulations."

Won-Yee shrugged, now turning away, still with a smug attitude. "Just saying...I make an effort not to be  
*boring*."

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The comment stayed with Katara, even when they reached Yu Dao, meeting with important figures in the colony and an  
advisor acting in Kuei's steed. The second day of the meeting, Katara is fighting to keep her mind focused on the  
matter at second, and chastising herself for not being able to. The future of the colonies was more important then  
anything concerning her, and it was important that she help in any way. Kuei's advisor had the floor, and was  
currently informing the council of past governments, hoping to hone the strategy they would take.

She was trying so hard to pay attention, even pulling out some tricks grangran taught her. Listen to each word  
being spoken, and repeat them in her own mind. She was trying so hard...but her idiot brother was being an idiot!  
"Even if the past bores me out of my skull?" She heard Sokka whisper to Aang, quietly enough to not disturb the  
speaker, but unfortunately she was right next to the warrior.

"Yeah, I agree. We need to a *new* way of seeing the four nations, not-"

Katara snapped. "Can you two keep it down? Some of us are trying to listen!" Bad enough that Sokka had to run his  
mouth, but he was drawing Aang into his nonsense! Aang instantly responded to the chiding with appropriate remorse.

"Sorry, Katara!" Aang gave her an apologetic look, and Katara started to soften when Sokka opened his mouth again.

"Surprise surprise. My boring sister likes boring lecture guy." Sokka said, waving dissuasively.

Katara twitched, fury rising within as she lifted her water cup. Aang didn't appear pleased either.

"Hey, that's my girlfriend you're talking about!" Aang gave Sokka a glare, an expression he could barely manage.

Katara's glare was harder, clenching her teeth so hard they nearly broke. No longer caring about interrupting the  
speaker, she bending the water in her cup to morphing into snow and slam onto Sokka's face.

The tension was broken, and Aang slapped his hands to his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Katara breath  
deeply, preparing to tune into the lecture again. A few chairs down she faintly heard Zuko speak up for the first  
time, actually interrupting the speaker to ask for clarification.

Katara rubbed her head, thinking nothing would get accomplished with all these interruptions. She glanced across,  
seeing Kori at the other end of the u shaped table, and how she listened so effortlessly. Of course, this was her  
home at stake, of course she'd give it all her attention. Just like Katara was supposed to, and Aang. How were they  
supposed to help when they couldn't even manage to listen to a few words?

Again Sokka's voice broke into her thoughts, like jagged ice. "The guy's a blowhard! Only people like Katara take  
him seriously."

Katara twitched. Of course she took this seriously! They were all supposed to! Using Sokka's water cup this time,  
she flung a snowball at her brothers face. What was wrong with Sokka? What was wrong with all of them?!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The end of the meeting had came quicker then she expected, possibly due to her inability to focus. And she was left  
with a feeling of remorse and disappointment in herself. She rubbed her head, trying to reassure herself that she  
wasn't a failure just because one mistake when she saw Kori walk out of the building.

"Hey there!" Katara called out, rushing to catch up to the other teen. "So, that was an informative meeting."

Kori lifted an eyebrow, curious about the waterbenders sudden attention on her. "I suppose."

Katara smiled, appearing friendly. "So, which part did you think was the most informative?"

"...All of it?" Kori glanced away, looking among the departing attendants. "Is there something you need?"

"I just thought we could compare notes, afterall you do live here."

"Why couldn't you compare notes with the avatar or your friends. I'm not trying to be rude, but you've never tried  
to strike a conversation with me."

Katara bit her lip, feeling a flash of guilt. "My brother couldn't be bothered to pay attention, and he was  
distracting Aang too-"

"-And you." Kori narrowed her eyes. "You didn't pay attention, so thats why you're coming to me for hints."

Katara turned red with embarrassment. "That's not true! I listened, I really did! But Sokka was talking through it,  
and then insulted me! It was hard to ignore, but I tried."

Kori crossed her arms, but found it hard to be cross when Katara was almost pleading for forgiveness. "Well, you're  
have to try harder, since the avatar doesn't seem to care much."

Katara blinked, gaping at the other teen. "What? Of course Aang cares! That's why he's here!"

"It took him long enough to decide that. He only decided to support us at the last second, in case you failed to  
notice. I don't even know what changed his mind."

Katara bristled at the veiled insults, unable to refrain from taking it personally. "Aang had a lot on his mind!  
You have no idea of what he goes through on a daily basis! He changed his mind because he realized separating multi  
ethnic families was wrong! When I pointed out what could happen to us-"

Kori's eyes sharpened, and she waved a hand to stop Katara. "Wait, are you saying he reconsidered because he was in  
a relationship with you?"

Katara stopped. "What?"

"The avatar didn't even stand up to support us. It was all because he didn't want to give up his girlfriend."

"That's not true! He does care about the colonies! About people!"

Kori crossed her arms. "Then why didn't he care? Remember when you and the avatar first came to this colony? After  
the fight with the firelord, he gave you two a tour around town. My parents and I followed you. Even after seeing  
our families, how close we were to each other, the next time he arrived he still insisted we leave. Is that how the  
avater shows his 'care'?"

Katara sputtered, indignant at Kori's harsh words, but at the same time finding it hard to dispute it. "He..He was  
confused! You don't know what it's like to have the pressure he does, to have to make the decisions he does!"

"And that makes it right? To nearly spilt about our town, our families, because he was 'pressured to'?"

"You just don't understand!" Katara brushed past Kori, away from her words of hate. She didn't understand what life  
was like outside the colonies. She just didn't understand.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Katara wandered the streets of Yu Dao for an hour, coming to terms to with's Kori's hateful words. She didn't like  
the other girl, for being so quick to judge Aang. But as the time passed, she started thinking of it another way,  
much to her regret.

As much as she hated to admit it, she could sympathize with the girl. Pulling apart the words, it was apparent  
Kori's main complaint was the lack of defense of her home, from the world's guardian. Katara's own home, the south  
pole, had been attacked and seized for decades. Despite her peoples fights to defend it, more and more pieces were  
taken away.

Likewise, Kori's home was under attack, and she desperate tried to defend it. To protect the place she was raised,  
her neighbors and friends, and her family. And then comes the avatar, who stated it was wrong to protect her home.  
If Katara had experienced that, she would telling Aang off like no tomorrow.

That left the question, why was Aang so opposed to keeping the colony intact until she spoke to him? What was the  
basis of his reconsideration?

A gentle poke at her shoulder sharply drew her out of her thoughts, nearly jumping at the action. She turned,  
seeing Aang at her side.

"Hey. I was looking for you after the meeting." The Airbender started. "You seem occupied."

Katara gave a shrug. "I...suppose I am. I'm just...thinking."

"About what?"

Katara paused at the question, regarding Aang sharply. "...Do you really want to know?"

Aang frowned. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Don't mind me. I'm just a little cranky."

Aang watched her for a moment, and lightly stroked her hand. "Katara, I'm your boyfriend. If something's bothering  
you, tell me."

Katara didn't want to get into an argument, not when they needed to focus on the colonies, but the question  
wouldn't leave her mind. "Aang...why exactly did you change your mind?"

Aang blinked, not quite understanding. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...First you're against the colonies staying, then you say they should stay. Why?"

"Well, you youself changed your mind, and-"

Katara bristled. "So that's it? Because of me. Because I made you think of what would happen to us if the nations  
were made to separate. Maybe Kori was right."

Aang stepped back, now thoroughly confused. "Wait, wait. Lets backtrack here. What does Kori have to do with this?"

Katara crossed her arms, a flurry of emotions invading her heart. "She said you only spoke up for this village for  
selfish reasons. And you just confirmed it."

"I didn't confirm anything!" Aang tried to defend himself, still wondering why Katara was angry. "Why are you  
upset? Are you saying I shouldn't have changed my mind?"

"No, I'm saying you should have changed it for the right reasons! And to think I stood up for you!"

Aang sighed, rubbing his head. "Katara, calm down. Making this decision wasn't easy, and-"

"Well, it should have been easy!"

"Why?"

That stopped Katara's building rant. "What?"

"Why should have it been an easy decision?"

Katara huffed. "Because it should have! Because...people's livelihoods were at stake! People's families!"

"And war was at stake, too. Like I said, it wasn't a simple decisions, no matter how we would have wanted it to  
be." Aang paced in a small circle. "Believe me, I wanted to do right by everyone. I had a lot on my mind."

Katara didn't back down. "That's no excuse, Aang. Your actions threatened to rip apart families that did no wrong  
to anyone!"

Aang didn't like the fact Katara was yelling at him over this, out of the blue, but managed to stay calm.  
"Why?"

Again, Katara puased. "Why what?"

"Why did it threaten to rip apart families?"

Katara gaped, stretching her arms into the air. "Are you serious? Are you that dense?-"

Aang held up a hand, interrupting the waterbender while ignoring the insult.  
"I never said they had to separate. In the case of Kori's family. Ling could have traveled back to the fire nation  
with her husband and daughter and become a Fire Nation citizen. Or her husband and daughter could have stayed and  
become Earth Kingdom citizens."

Katara opened her mouth, only to close it again. The process happened several times before she finally spoke again.  
"But either of those choices would have compromised thier uniqueness. They would have to sacrifice a part of  
themselves just to conform to standards, and that's not right either!"

"In other words, it's not a simple decision. Nothing about it was simple."

Katara sighed, her ire cooling, but still feeling uneasy. "...Maybe, but Aang, That doesn't change the fact your  
motivations-"

Aang interrupted her again. "Are you saying you don't trust my motivations?" He looked at her sadly, as a moment of  
silence passed. "Listen, Katara, I'll admit when you placed it in a personal light, it did make me think of things  
I didn't before. But it was really a bad thing? I may be an avatar, but I'm not all knowing. I can't always know  
the right decisions to make, or know the right reasons to make them. That's why I rely on the advice of those  
around me. You, Sokka, Toph and even Zuko."

Aang glanced to his girlfriend, meeting her softening gaze. "I might not agree with your advice, but I do consider  
it. And I'll have you know, you weren't the only reason I changed my mind."

Katara averted her eyes, starting to feel guilty for doubting Aang and giving him a hard time. "I'm sorry, Aang. I  
know you do your best, and I don't know I let Kori get to me. It's just...seeing them have their home threatened  
and trying to keep their family together..."

Aang stepped closer, wrapping a comforting arm around her. "It reminded you of your own home, didn't it? Of your  
own family. You told me how much it hurt to watch your father leave..."

Tears welled in Katara's eyes, nodding at the truth. "Yes...I guess I was connecting Kori's situation to mine. I  
guess I had a selfish motivation too."

Aang cupped her cheek, gently wiping away the tears with a finger. "Don't worry so much about motivations. You do  
so much for everyone, no one will begrudge you a little selfishness." He grinned. "And if they do I'll give them an  
avatar beat down."

That drew a chuckle out of the waterbender, and she settled into his embrace. "Thank you, Aang. I'm sorry about  
getting on your case. I know you do the best you can."

"I forgive you." Aang ran a hand through her soft hair, and then broke away. "We should get going to the Inn. It's  
getting dark and Appa's getting hungry."

"Agreed." Katara breathed deeply, pulling herself together before following the shorter airbender.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next few days went by quickly and peacefully. Katara, Aang and Sokka visited Toph's school, meeting the three  
progressing students. During their stay more residents of the nearby Yu Dao stopped by, interested in enrolling  
their children. Toph's school went from three students, to ten in the course of two days, and the gaang celebrated  
her success.

Word from Zuko came shortly after, requesting their presence at the palace. Toph, being too busy with her new  
students remained, but sent her good wishes. Aang, Sokka and Katara prepared for the journey.  
It was several days later that they arrived, meeting with Iroh first before the elder firebender called out his  
nephew.

Zuko emerged from behind a curtain, making sure to keep it closed after himself. Aang was the first to greet him,  
with an excited bow. "Thank you for inviting us to your home, your fieriness! We've been out of touch much too  
long!" Despite their butting heads at Yu Dao, or maybe because of it, Aang found himself even more fond of Zuko. He  
hated to think would what have happened if he gave in to pressure, and ended the young firelord.

Zuko, however, fixed with him a confused stare. "It's only been a week." The firebender glanced around his friends,  
and noticed one missing. "Where's Toph?"

"She had to stay at the academy." Sokka answered, also glancing around. "Now that folks have seen the lily livers-"  
Sokka noticed his mistake, and corrected it quickly before Katara water whipped him for being mean. "I mean, her  
students in action, everyone and their mother wants to be a metalbender. Even the Yu Dao police chief went to visit  
her!"

Katara took her turn as Sokka finished. "We came as soon as we received your message. What is this about?" Katara  
wondered if it couldn't have waited a little longer. After all, as Zuko had just pointed out, they saw each other a  
week before.

Zuko took a deep breath, knowing the three before him might oppose his plan. "I recently obtained some new  
information about-"

"Zuko!" Suki rushed through the curtain, interrupting Zuko's explanation. She wore a frantic expression, grabbing  
at Zuko's arm while barely noticing Sokka's presence. "I'm sorry, but your sister just collapsed!"

A chorus of confusion erupted. Aang and Katara were left guessing, wondering if Azula was what Zuko wanted to talk  
about, and what had happened just now. Sokka grumbled out loud about Suki's closeness to Zuko, which in turn cased  
her confusion, only now seeing her boyfriend. Suki rushed over to hug the warrior, which left ZUko sputtering for  
answers. "Wait, what? She collapsed? From what?"

Suki frowned, craning her neck to glance at Zuko. "I don't know! She seemed fine a few minutes ago, but then she  
just fell over! Katara, can you check her over?"

Katara gaped. "Um, I guess, but where-"

"Here!" Zuko answered, pulling the curtain back and gesturing for Katara to follow. "She's in the back room."

Katara bit back even more questions, merely following to find the rest of the Kyoshi warriors hovering around the  
fallen princess. She kneeled, bending the water out of her waterskin and tried to heal the unconscious girl.

Aang drifted closer to Zuko, speaking up now that the matter was being tended to. "...Isn't she supposed to be  
locked up?"

"Yeah." Sokka echoed. "Did she escape or something?"

"She didn't escape." Suki stated, but left the explaining for Zuko while she savored Sokka's touch.

Zuko sighed heavily, stressed and concerned for his sister. "I, well, I let her out."

Sokka rose an eyebrow. "Really. You let your crazy, lightning throwing sister out of the psych ward for...what now?  
Maybe we should call you 'Bad Decision Lord!'"

Suki smacked Sokka lightly on the head. "Be nice."

Zuko became flustered, sputtering an answer. "Well, I had an reason, which I was going to tell you but-"

"Enough!" Katara snarled at the bickering teens, not moving from Azula's side. "We other things to worry about. I  
don't know why, but Azula's running a high fever. We need to move her to a bed. Aang, I need you to get me a lot  
more water. Suki, I'm to need your fans. Come on, everyone!" Katara's orders left little room for protest, and  
everyone snapped to their tasks.

Azula was placed in her familiar bedroom, with Katara tending to her. It took several hours, but the waterbender  
managed to calm the fever. Azula remained unconscious, leaving everyone to hover either inside or near the doorway.  
What had began as a joyous and fun filled reunion had turned for the worst.


	2. I have found the perfect end

Again, Katara couldn't sleep, but this time she had a more concrete reason. Azula. Granted, the princess's care had been taken over by the royal family's physician, but Katara was also a healer. And had treated Azula first, which made her just as much Katara's patient.

Katara rose from her bed, donning her light blue dress before entering the hallway. As a guest of the firelord, the guards let her roam as she wished, even entering the princess's chambers without hassle. Azula was still unconscious, which the waterbender expected, but Zuko was also near by. The firelord was on the other side of the bed, hunched over in a chair, and appeared to be falling asleep.

Katara watched him silently, feeling for the firebender. Even though the two were at odds, they were still siblings, and Zuko obviously cared about her well being. She remember the few times Sokka had fallen ill throughout their childhood, and whether serious or not Katara remained by his side.

"It's strange to see you two like this." Katara spoke, breaking the silence and startling Zuko. "I mean...After the Agni Kai..."

Zuko sighed deeply, recovering after being spooked by the waterbender. "She's still my sister, no matter how many times she tried to kill me. What are you doing awake?"

Katara neared Azula, seeing her sweat and shake even in her sleep. "I couldn't sleep. Been happening a lot recently."

"I've had that happen, myself." Zuko stretched his limbs, exiting the chair to poor a glass of water for himself. "Years ago, when I was still hunting Aang. Well, before I knew his name was Aang. I think I nearly drove my uncle insane with my insomnia." He paused, glancing over to the waterbender. "Is something troubling you?"

Katara was quick to shake her head. "No. I'm perfectly fine and happy." She retrieved a damp cloth, and placed on Azula's forehead. "I am. Although maybe this incident over Yu Dao shook me up a little."

Zuko widened his eyes, pouring a second glass and offering it to Katara. "How so?"

Katara wasn't sure how to respond to that, as she herself couldn't pinpoint what was wrong. Was she uneasy about the tentative peace that could be broken at a moments notice? Was it Kori's harsh words that she denied, affirmed when speaking to Aang and then dismissed again? The only thing she did know for certain is that she couldn't sleep at night. "Eh...it's not important."

Zuko gave her a pointed look. "Are you sure? Whatever it is...its disturbing your sleep cycle. It could have bad repercussions..."

"I know." Katara cut off the firebender, fingering her loose hair. "I've seen that happen, actually, to Aang. Did we ever tell you about the time Aang went without sleep? It was before the solar eclipse, and he was stressed about fighting the firelord. It got so bad he hallucinated that Appa and Momo were having a samurai battle, surround by Koala sheep cheerleaders!"

Zuko could tell she was changing the subject, going along with it. Whatever was bothering the girl, she obviously didn't want to talk to him about it. He set down the ignored cup, and settled back into his chair. "Sounds like a dozy of daydream. But at a bad time, though."

"Yeah...but we got him to sleep. Sokka, Toph and I. We spent hours shaving a flock of Koala sheep, Sokka and I shaved while Toph kneaded it together, and made a bed. When he was coming back to camp, I made a mist-" She cut herself off, sticking a finger up as if lecturing Zuko. "-Mist can be very soothing. The simplest shift of nature can aid in inducing sleep. So anyway, I made a mist to help calm him down. He was skeptical at first, but we convinced him there was nothing to worry about. And he believed us." Katara sighed softly, a smile dancing on her lips as she recalled that night.

"It sounds like it was very important to you." Zuko stated.

Katara blinked. "Ah, what?"

Zuko sat back, meeting Katara's confused gaze. "That he listened to you. I mean, about being ready for the firelord. You never liked seeing him upset."

"Of course not! I don't like seeing any of my family or friends upset!" Katara fiddled with her hair, a strange unease overcoming her. "We've all suffered enough, we don't need more strife. If someone needs me I'm going to help them, no matter what." With a sigh she calmed herself, enough to smile at the firelord. "And that includes you too. So don't shut us out."

Zuko didn't need clarifying on her last statement, knowing it was referring to the Yu Dao situation. He had foolishly thought he could save the colonies on his own, neglecting to inform Aang and the group of his concerns about the families, and nearly severing relations with the Earth King. Iroh had given him an earful when he awoke in the Jasmine Dragon. "Believe me, I don't intend to burn bridges again. I know I need to accept help sometimes...thats why I asked you all to come. And now I need help getting my sister healthy."

Katara nodded, walking around the bed to place a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "We're going to take care of her. Don't worry, Zuko. You should try to sleep."

The firelord nodded, patting her hand. "As long as you do the same. The kitchen always has tea available."

"Thanks. But I think I'll be okay." Katara left her friend to his own thoughts, drifting back to the silent hallway. But instead of walking to her own room, she found herself seeking out Aang's and opening the door. The young Avatar was sound asleep, with Momo curled out on his stomach. She smiled at the sight, stepping closer to the bed.

She bent down, caressing Aang's cheek as her eyes drifted up and down his half covered body. He hadn't even bother dressing in the night clothes provided, still wearing his tunic and pants from earlier that day. "I love you..." She whispered, even through she knew wouldn't hear. "And I know you love me."

Katara closed her eyes, gently kissing Aang's lips, which caused a smile to play on his own. "You've grown so strong, ever since you defeated Ozai. Still the silly, fun-loving guy I've always known...but ready to do the job at a moments notice. The world still needs you...and you still need me, right?" She was glad Aang remained alseep, grabbing one last glance at him before retreating from his room.

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The next morning started in a sluggish fashion, starting with Katara being the first to enter the palace's lavish dining room. She chose a random chair, sitting down while the servants offered her toasted bread and pastries. She declined, not having an apetite yet.

Sokka was the next one to arrive, with Suki huddled in his arms. Suki was on break from guard duty, and planned to spend her time well. The pair waved to Katara, sitting across from her. "Hey sis!"

"Good morning, Sokka. Suki." Katara gave a slight smile, watching the two. "I see you're enjoying the morning already."

"Indeed." Suki responded. "Bellavaine and Ty Lee are with Zuko now, do I'm getting my Sokka fix while I can.

Sokka snickered. "I'm a fix."

"It's amazing you still have such a strong flame between you two. How do you manage when you spend so much time apart?" Katara asked, genuinely amazed and curious.

Suki puased for a moment before answering. "I'm not really sure. We just do...We both know we have our separate duties, but it doesn't matter."

Sokka added his two cents. "They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. And boy, are we fond of each other."

"You shouldn't do that at the breakfast table, Sokka." Aang stated, walking into the room while everyone conversed. He of course planted himself next to Katara, and kissed her cheek.

"Do what?" Suki questioned. "We were just talking."

Aang frowned, glancing between the two lovers. "But I heard you say-"

"You heard wrong." Sokka interrupted, somehow knowing what Aang thought he said. "I was not fondling Suki!"

"Ugh, Sokka!" Katara hissed, waving a finger at her brother. "Must you use such language first thing in the morning! Be decent!"

Sokka shot his arms in to the air. "I am! Aang is-"

"Don't blame Aang for your dirty mind!" Katara warned, already bending the water out of a pitcher. Sokka reacted quickly, grabbing a plate to deflect the pending water strike.

Aang saw a fight brewing, and tried to intervene. "Hey, now, lets all just calm down-"

"What are all of you doing in my dining room?" Zuko's voice broke in, as the firelord stared at them from the doorway. "Are you starting a fight in here?"

"No, no." Katara quickly changed her demeanor, calming herself down and placing the water back into the pitcher. "We were...just talking."

"Talking with bending and plates?" Zuko shook his head deciding he didn't want to know, and sitting down near Sokka and Suki. "Azula woke up this morning, but she's still pretty feverish. The physician said she'll need to rest for a few days."

"That's great!" Katara spoke up, happy for Zuko. "At least it wasn't very serious."

Silence followed, as Sokka and Aang glanced to each other. "Great...So why did you let her out again?"

Zuko sighed, knowing he'd have to explain sooner or later. "Well, I let her out-"

"Firelord!" A uniformed general burst through the dining room doors, interrupting Zuko's speech. "Forgive the intrusion, but trouble brews."

"What? What is it?" Zuko paused, remembering the presence of the servants, and instructed them to leave. "Now, tell me."

The general, a middle aged man by the name of Mak, kneeling before Zuko. "We received reports that one of our military training school have been attacked. Also, a storage facility fifty miles to the west was also attacked, in the exact same manor. We expect it was an organized effort."

"Was it a rebel attack?" Aang questioned, rising from his seat.

"Possibly. It occurred yesterday, injuring many of our junior soldiers and guards. In the wreckage we found one of their banners, from a group called 'The New Ozai Society.'"

Zuko clenched his fists. "Loyalists of my father? They won't last long. Mak, prepare a company to march down. I am going down myself and-"

"Wait!" Aang intervened, waving his hand. "Zuko, isn't that a little impulsive? This could be a trap."

"What?" Zuko stared at the avatar. "Why would it be a trap?"

"Because you're unpopular?" Sokka chimed in. "It's not reasonable. You were leading the army in Yu Dao, it's not unreasonable that this rebel group would think you'd lead troops down there too."

"He's right." Suki agreed, standing as well. "As your bodyguard I insist that you entrust this to General Mak."

Zuko groaned, becoming flustered with the sudden opposition. They had good points, but he sending others to do his dirty work. "I appreciate your concern, but-"

"Zuko." Aang started. "I'll go down with General Mak's soldiers. That way if it does turn out be a trap, I'll be able to help."

"I'll go with you, buddy." Sokka gave a thumbs up. "Show them some water tribe power!"

Zuko shook his head. "I didn't agree to any of this yet!"

Suki gave him a grin. "Well, if you want, we could always your uncle to help out."

Zuko directed a sour look at her. While he knew Iroh had decades of experience in combat, he didn't want to trouble the elder any more then he had already.

"It's ok, Zuko. We'll take care of it. Plus, with Azula in the palace it would be wise for you to stay and keep an eye on her." Aang gave the firelord a thumbs up. "We'll get ready right away.

Katara rubbed her hands together as Aang reminded them all of Azula. The sick teenager who was just starting to recover from a mysterious fever, and one of the most dangerous people she knew. "You're right, Aang. Azula does need to be watched...So I'll stay here and help Zuko do that."

Aang was surprised at her decision, assuming she would join him. "Oh...ok. Take care." He gave her a quick hug, noticing she failed to return it and departed the room with Sokka and Mak.

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With nobody left in the mood for breakfast, Katara, Suki and Zuko went to their respective schedules. Suki checked in with the Kyoshi warriors, and went over the security procedures with the normal palace guards. Extra alert was called for, as Azula was awake now, albeit still resting in her room.

Katara drifted in and out of her room, to Azula's, and back again. With the family's physician looking after her, and the Kyoshi's guarding her, she started to feel somewhat useless. She had stayed behind in case Azula tried something, but with her being sick that seemed rather unlikely, leaving her with little to do. She missed Aang already, feeling a deep ache at his absence. It seemed wrong that they separated so easily, with only a hug as goodbye. Why didn't he kiss her? Why didn't he appear miserable at the thought of leaving her? The nagging feeling refused to leave, hovering over her as she roamed the halls.

Zuko had returned to the throne, taking care of royal duties and meeting with Iroh. He was glad to have his uncle around again, finding that he missed him greatly. The letters that were sent were barely a substitute for having the man by his side. After the days work they finished with tea and several attempts at Pai sho lessons.

It wasn't until evening when Zuko saw Katara again, sitting in Azula's room near the window. His sister was asleep at the moment, so he kept his voice down. "Hey. Were you here all day?"

"No." Came a wooden reply, as Katara continued to stare out the window.

Zuko frowned, approaching the waterbender. "Are you ok." It wasn't like Katara to speak in monotone.

"I'm fine."

That was even more concerning. Zuko gently laid a hand on Katara, kneeling beside her. "You don't sound fine. It's not like you to hold something in."

Katara tensed, her tearing up before jerking her head to Zuko. "Allright, I'm not fine. Happy now? Aang left!"

Zuko took a moment before answering. "You're upset because Aang left to help my nation?"

The accusation in Zuko's voice only served to rile her further, and she stood from the chair. "I should have gone with him. We always did missions together! Why would this be any different?"

Zuko was thoroughly confused. "I...don't know. If you wanted to go, why didn't you?"

Katara wiped at her face. "He didn't ask me!"

"You stated you wanted to stay. He respected your choice. What did you expect?"

The honest question shattered Katara's anger, forcing her to face her unreasonable mood. But, even if she had no right to act this way, it still hurt that Aang accepted her absence so readily. "I don't know. I don't know what I expected!" The tears flowed freely down her face, and she turned from Zuko, fleeing the room.

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Aang couldn't sleep. He tried, for hours, tossing and turning in his bedroll. General Mak and his small group of soldiers made camp for the night, the men taking turns at patrolling. Sokka had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Aang had no such luck.

He couldn't shake the feeling of being hollow, of having left a piece of himself behind. And of course, he knew why. He missed Katara. He loved Katara, and without her, everything was different. However, this wasn't the first time they separated for the sake of duty, and both of them were strong enough to be left alone for a few days.

But there was something more then that, Aang could tell. Every instinct told him this was different, that this absence was wrong. That he shouldn't have let Katara stay behind. He had felt it in her stiffness when he embraced her, but he shrugged it off because there was a mission to complete.

Aang's mind churned, generating explanations for the slight, for why Katara refused to hug him. When he had left, she didn't appear angry, which usual meant she wasn't. Katara didn't restrain herself when it came to emotions, and Aang was certain that he would have been told if Katara was feeling angry toward him.

She had been angry enough when she accused him of acting selfishly toward Yu Dao, but they had talked it out, and resolved it. So what was making her feel so distant now?

Aang stared up at the stars, but they had no answer either. He would have to put it out of his mind for now, until he could talk to Katara yet again. But still sleep eluded him.

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Zuko spotted Katara sitting alone at the dining table, still in the process of being prepare for breakfast, and froze at the doorway. Considering her confusing anger the previous evening, he half expected the waterbender to start yelling at him for something. Still, he gathered his courage, and sat across from her. "...Good morning."

Katara sighed, lifting her gaze from the tabletop, to the firebender. "It's morning, but I'm not sure it's good." There was a plate of delicious pastries in front of her, but she held little interest in them.

"Is it about yesterday? If you miss Aang that much, I can arrange for secure transport."

Katara's mouth twisted into a sad smile. "Thanks, but I'm not so desperate that I need to chase after him after only twenty four hours."

"Ok." Zuko fiddled with his hands before grabbing a cup of water. He sipped it, looking everywhere except her before he felt a need to break the silence. "Because, last night you seemed-"

"I know."

Zuko wished the cooks would hurry up with his breakfast, so he could eat and get out of there faster. He wasn't good at having heart to hearts with people! It seemed like forever until a servant burst out the kitchen, placing his porridge and fruit slices in front of him. Just as he was about to take a bite, he happened to glance at Katara again, and paused. "You didn't sleep again."

"No, I didn't." Katara could tell that her short, choppy sentences was making Zuko uncomfortable. One part of her was amused by his nervous fidgeting, while the other told her to simply spill it. "I couldn't sleep. Your last words stuck with me."

Zuko rose an eyebrow. "Um, last words?"

"'What did you expect?'" Katara repeated, playing with the pastries in front of her. "You asked what I expected. I answered that I didn't know. Of course, I said that because I was too angry to answer questions. To even think about answering the question. But last night, I realized what I said was the truth."

Zuko stirred his porridge, adding some sliced strawberries to it. "...That you didn't know?"

Katara nodded. "That's right. I didn't know what I expected then. You were right. It was perfectly ok that he didn't try to undermine my choice, because I am my own person, who knows her own mind. But...that's not what I wanted."

Zuko sighed, setting his food aside for now. He wasn't still good at emotional conversation, but at least he wasn't fishing in the dark now. "...You wanted him to ask you, didn't you."

"Yes." Katara rubbed her forehead, the effects of staying up getting to her. "I wanted him to ask me to join him, even after what I said. I...wanted him to want me with him."

"He does want you. Just because he left without you doesn't mean he was happy to leave you. But you know the old phrase, 'You gotta do what you gotta do'."

Katara broke apart a croissant, picking at the insides. "It's been so long since we had to address serious issues. I guess it was jarring to be forced into it again. With the recent Yu Dao crisis, and now Azula and these rebels..."

Zuko sipped at the water again, thinking for a moment. "Hey, at least you had a year before business struck again."

"A year. A year since Aang and I kissed outside of the Jasmine Dragon. A year in which each day felt like a dream come true." Katara leaned back into her chair, her gaze turning to the ceiling.

"And you will have many more days like that." Zuko lifted up his glass, of the fashion of a cheers, but Katara remained distracted.

"What did I expect?"

Zuko froze, becoming confused again. "Uh..."

"Before the comet come, I had expectations. I expected if I let myself open my heart to Aang, that I would surely lose him in the final battle. That's why I couldn't be with him, even though he wanted it desperately. I just couldn't do it, becuase of what I expected to happen."

Zuko nodded slowly, trying to catch Katara's train of thought. "But he didn't die, and you two got together. And are still very happy."

"And after we kissed...I didn't let myself think negatively about it. I lived in the moment, enjoying my time with Aang. I didn't *let* myself have expectations." Katara slumped over onto the table, her mind racing. "And I think thats the problem. For a year I lived in a happy bubble, never thinking of the past or the future. And now that reality is bursting that bubble, I'm realizing I don't have an answer. What do I expect?"

Zuko rose, walking around the table to offer Katara a comforting hand on the shoulder. "It's not always easy to find an answer."

"But it needs to be found. For a while now I've been restless, and haven't known why. Was it because I was jealous of Aang's fangirls? Did I think I was too boring? Did I think I wasn't being listened to enough? But when you asked that question, I kept asking it myself. What do I expect of my life? And I don't have an answer."

Zuko thought for a moment. "I felt the same way, once. When I was on the run from Azula and I didn't know how my life would turn out. I needed answers too. I ended up separating from my uncle and going my own way, but it didn't really help. Hey, maybe you should talk to Iroh. He's full of advice."

Katara widened her eyes, staring at Zuko as if he just revealed the grand meaning of life. "Yes...That's an idea. I'll consider that. Thanks Zuko." She gave a pleasant smile, hugging him tightly before leaving the dining hall.

Zuko watched her go, sensing her mood was lighter, and grinned himself. "Hey, I actually helped. Not a bad way to start the day."

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AN: First authors note of the fic. Thanks to all who've been following so far. Next chapter get into the angsty parts, as Katara and Aang have a very serious talk.

I fully support the Katara/Aang pairing. I beleive they have a caring, mutual affection for each other that grew into a strong bond. I beleive Katara's affection for Aang is just as strong as his affection for her. I think they work as a happy couple.

That said, I am not against Zutara. I can see the appeal of it, but the functionality of it is more trickly. I disagree with those who say it's the more epic pairing of all time, that it was so obvious in the series. It wasn't. It's just a pairing that a lot of people happen to like.

I've read zutara fics, not to discredit them, but to get into the mind of the Zutara writer. And most times I've been disappointed. Aang is turned into a whiny immature brat that drives Katara away, into the arms of Zuko. Mai is protrayed as a robot that either doesn't really care about Zuko, or is shoved to the sidelines when Zuko realizes he never loved her.

I feel that many of these author shift the characters of Zuko and Katara to fit the fic, to make them into an obvious perfect couple. I don't claim to be an expert on the characters, but these versions always felt off to me. So this fic was born, to give my take on the zutara pairing.

I will not be catergorizing this as Zutara or Kataang, or both, or neither. For those who are following this fic, I request that you read this for the sake of the story, for the journies the characters take, and not for your perferred ship. Until next time.


End file.
